I'm having a very difficult time shaking off my bad mood this week. I've been less than patient at home and have been slightly on edge at work. I get into these cycles ever so often and they also come with a lot of doubt and self criticism. I'm sure this is related to a toddler who is resisting a reasonable bed time, some challenges at work, not having a big enough house, worrying about money to eventually buy a bigger house, how everyone perceives me every second of the day which includes but is not limited to: students, parents of students, co-workers, administrators, friends, members of groups, family, the cats (no not really), etc..... I know that some of you may not empathize with my current state, and that's okay. I am not looking for anyone to feel sorry for me, I'm just hoping that if your also having a bad day or week, you have found a compadre.
Since I began taking Zoloft for PPD, I have had far fewer of these weeks so the next line of defense for me is a check-up with my dear friend Deidre. Therapy has been one of the most outstanding on-going experiences I've ever had. I truly believe that all of us could or will benefit from counseling at one time or another. I get the sense there is still a lot of stigma attached to talking openly about counseling and medication. The more I've spoken openly about my issues and how counseling and meds have helped, the more people have come forward with there own experiences.
Hopefully Tina Fey will help to distract me from my bad mood this evening.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Monday, January 28, 2013
New Routine
We are finally starting to get out of the haze that is the first nine months of having two children. That being said, I came to realize the structure of our evening has essentially been non-existent since Adele was born.
Yesterday overall was a crappy day, however I don't like to wallow in funks for to long so I scrapped myself up and had coffee with my friend. She has two children right around the same ages as Adele and Jade and I mentioned my issues with routine. She discussed her routine with me and I came out with a new sense of ambition to re-create what we had before both kiddos.
Adele will continue to go down at 7:00, however, we are starting Jade's routine of books and brushing teeth at 7:30 with the intention of "lights out" at 8:00. Once in her room, I could care less if she dances a jig or reads a million books with her flashlight, as long as she stays in her room and eventually goes to sleep. I know she will need to be told to go back to her room a million times, however she takes well to structure so in a few days to week, I'm sure we'll be in a good place. It is now 8:22 and she has only come out once since 8:00... Fingers crossed but of course I probably just jinxed myself.
One of the members of my 18q- group happened to post about a book titled "Far the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity". It is a book that reflects how families transform experiences and difficulties with exceptional children (Ex: Down syndrome, autism, chromosomal abnormalities, schizophrenia, children who are prodigies, children of rape and transgender children) into meaning and a richer quality of life. I am excited to read this book since I am looking for a little inspiration and identity.
I realized through talking with my friend yesterday, that what is becoming the most difficult for me personally, is trying to find an identity in terms of parenting Adele. I explained to my friend that I often don't know how to respond when someone asks me how Adele is doing. Should I tell them how her 18q- is doing or how SHE is doing? What is being implied? My friend also very bravely and honestly admitted that she does not know how much to ask or how little to ask. This is very thoughtful and I understand the conundrum. Here is what seems to be a very simple solution to this problem: If you want to know how Adele is doing, ask.. If you also want to know how things are going with her development or health, ask about her development or health. I am happy to answer questions.
Yesterday also brought the first day that I have been out in public with Adele while she has her BAHA on. We got a few looks but overall, people were rather unfazed by it. This was comforting and I was reminded that I am more worried about it than I need to be.
Yesterday overall was a crappy day, however I don't like to wallow in funks for to long so I scrapped myself up and had coffee with my friend. She has two children right around the same ages as Adele and Jade and I mentioned my issues with routine. She discussed her routine with me and I came out with a new sense of ambition to re-create what we had before both kiddos.
Adele will continue to go down at 7:00, however, we are starting Jade's routine of books and brushing teeth at 7:30 with the intention of "lights out" at 8:00. Once in her room, I could care less if she dances a jig or reads a million books with her flashlight, as long as she stays in her room and eventually goes to sleep. I know she will need to be told to go back to her room a million times, however she takes well to structure so in a few days to week, I'm sure we'll be in a good place. It is now 8:22 and she has only come out once since 8:00... Fingers crossed but of course I probably just jinxed myself.
One of the members of my 18q- group happened to post about a book titled "Far the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity". It is a book that reflects how families transform experiences and difficulties with exceptional children (Ex: Down syndrome, autism, chromosomal abnormalities, schizophrenia, children who are prodigies, children of rape and transgender children) into meaning and a richer quality of life. I am excited to read this book since I am looking for a little inspiration and identity.
I realized through talking with my friend yesterday, that what is becoming the most difficult for me personally, is trying to find an identity in terms of parenting Adele. I explained to my friend that I often don't know how to respond when someone asks me how Adele is doing. Should I tell them how her 18q- is doing or how SHE is doing? What is being implied? My friend also very bravely and honestly admitted that she does not know how much to ask or how little to ask. This is very thoughtful and I understand the conundrum. Here is what seems to be a very simple solution to this problem: If you want to know how Adele is doing, ask.. If you also want to know how things are going with her development or health, ask about her development or health. I am happy to answer questions.
Yesterday also brought the first day that I have been out in public with Adele while she has her BAHA on. We got a few looks but overall, people were rather unfazed by it. This was comforting and I was reminded that I am more worried about it than I need to be.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Reality of Life
As much as I am thankful that Adele is not very delayed in all areas except speech/language, I can't help but to have days where my heart drops when I see picutres and hear stories of other kiddos her age doing things that she isn't..... As much as I LOVE the fact that she can hear within the normal range with the BAHA, it is going to become inevitable when she wears it out in public we will get stares and I'm sure even the occasional daring person to ask us about it.
I will get over this and move forward, but in order to do that, I need to acknowledge my frustration. Thanks for reading!
On another more positive note, I wanted to take an opportunity to let everyone know that my husband rocks! He is a model father and our partnership in raising our girls is second to none. I couldn't be the teacher, friend, mom and wife I am today without his support. The girls benefit a thousand times over for his involvement in every aspect of their lives. Three cheers for hubby!
I'm hoping we have reached the end of our pre-school search! Bonnie McBeth Learning Center is part of Plainfield District #202 and offers pre-school for non at-risk kiddos on a lottery basis. We have a plan "b" should we not get selected but either way it's exciting to think that Jade will be in pre-school next school year.
Adele continues to do well with her BAHA and recently had an appointment with a Pediatric Endocrinologist. The visual looked good but of course we need to do blood work to check levels of hormones and other related items. What I have learned from my 18q- yahoo group is that many things related to endocrinology don't come up until they hit puberty. At least we know what to expect.
I will get over this and move forward, but in order to do that, I need to acknowledge my frustration. Thanks for reading!
On another more positive note, I wanted to take an opportunity to let everyone know that my husband rocks! He is a model father and our partnership in raising our girls is second to none. I couldn't be the teacher, friend, mom and wife I am today without his support. The girls benefit a thousand times over for his involvement in every aspect of their lives. Three cheers for hubby!
I'm hoping we have reached the end of our pre-school search! Bonnie McBeth Learning Center is part of Plainfield District #202 and offers pre-school for non at-risk kiddos on a lottery basis. We have a plan "b" should we not get selected but either way it's exciting to think that Jade will be in pre-school next school year.
Adele continues to do well with her BAHA and recently had an appointment with a Pediatric Endocrinologist. The visual looked good but of course we need to do blood work to check levels of hormones and other related items. What I have learned from my 18q- yahoo group is that many things related to endocrinology don't come up until they hit puberty. At least we know what to expect.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Second Home
Jacksonville Florida has become a second home to our family. Back in the day (aka 6 years ago), my visits to JAX included plenty of shenanigans including meeting folks from Conneticut who specialized in making maple syrup and wore stick on stars....... Red-eye flights led us into 4 a.m. debauchery. Good times were had by all!
I now have not only my cousin and her family in JAX, but also my dear friend from our mom's group. This particular trip ended up with me visiting on my own for a mini get-away. My first two days were a whirlwind of shopping, dinning and wining! While on my trip, I was able to meet some new friends who live down the street from my dear friend.
One of the more hilarious moments came in the form of my attempt to get coffee in St. Augustine Saturday Night. My friend and I stopped at a coffee shack after dinner and saw 3 people in line ahead of us.... A half hour later and many sarcastic comments about how slow things are in the south, I drank one of the best Lattes I've ever had....
My cousin and her family graciously picked me up from my friend's place on the way back from a trip to Disneyworld & IKEA...... Yes, I said Disneyworld & IKEA, all in one day! We had a relaxing evening of sushi by the fire and good conversation. All of us turned in early and before you knew it, I was on a plane back to Chicago and the ungodly weather that exists here.
Coming up at the end of July is the Chromosome 18 Research & Registry Annual Conference. We are making this a family and trip and low and behold, the conference is being held in Savannah Georgia this year, which is 3 hours north of Jacksonville. We are excited to be able to share this opportunity with our extended Jacksonville family! I am also thrilled for Jade to reconnect with her good friend and with my cousin's daughter!
More great times to come in the Southeast. Life is good!
Monday, January 14, 2013
Items on the Front Burner
We've got a few pots on the fire these days and one of them relates to deciding where to send Jade to preschool. Optimally, we will be accepted into Bonnie McBeth Early Learning Center, by chance of lottery, which is connected to Plainfield School District. Our "plan B" is the Park District. I'm in denial of the fact that Jade is indeed getting older. Jade and I attended a Children's Book Club meetup yesterday and many of the kiddos are getting ready to start Kindergarten next year so that was a nice reminder to me to take every second I can to appreciate the here and now with my girls.
I've been happy with my commitment to "Project Life 365". I am enjoying the challenge of thinking of a great photo to take related to the daily theme. This also has been allowing me to develop my skills as a casual photographer.
Adele has been quite the chatterbox and mover these days. She's not quite crawling yet, but that girl finds a way to get what she wants (in more ways than one!) I absolutely adore her personality. She is such a vibrant and cheerful baby! Her smile is absolutely contagious and I can't wait to see what this little person has in store for us!
The semester is off to a good start. I've got a fabulous group of kiddos in all of my classes....
Life is Good!
I've been happy with my commitment to "Project Life 365". I am enjoying the challenge of thinking of a great photo to take related to the daily theme. This also has been allowing me to develop my skills as a casual photographer.
Adele has been quite the chatterbox and mover these days. She's not quite crawling yet, but that girl finds a way to get what she wants (in more ways than one!) I absolutely adore her personality. She is such a vibrant and cheerful baby! Her smile is absolutely contagious and I can't wait to see what this little person has in store for us!
The semester is off to a good start. I've got a fabulous group of kiddos in all of my classes....
Life is Good!
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die..
Picture it, August 5th 2006, Starved Rock, gorgeous 80 degree summer day and an outstanding wedding in progress. "Eat, Drink and be Merry" via Dave Matthews Band was our theme for the day, embossed on our cocktail napkins and other wedding accessories. Today was one of those days when I go back to this theme as a philosophy.
Our LHS community and my department has suffered several losses this school year. Today we were informed of the loss of a recently retired member of our department. The loss of this individual came as a surprise which devastated many staff members.
In reflecting on the death, I was talking to one of my friend's at work and mentioned that I am rather unfamiliar with how to deal with death since I am fortunate enough to have almost every single one of my extended family alive and kicking.
What I can say from my limited experience in dealing with a loss is that it slaps you back into the reality that we are not on this earth forever, so cherish the relationships you have and ignore the "noise" that is your own worry of what others may be thinking.
James and I got to live a little of the "Eat, Drink and be Merry" philosophy by cooking, sharing some delicious craft beers and getting a few good laughs in with friends. This is what life is all about.
"Your Life is Now"- John Mellencamp
Our LHS community and my department has suffered several losses this school year. Today we were informed of the loss of a recently retired member of our department. The loss of this individual came as a surprise which devastated many staff members.
In reflecting on the death, I was talking to one of my friend's at work and mentioned that I am rather unfamiliar with how to deal with death since I am fortunate enough to have almost every single one of my extended family alive and kicking.
What I can say from my limited experience in dealing with a loss is that it slaps you back into the reality that we are not on this earth forever, so cherish the relationships you have and ignore the "noise" that is your own worry of what others may be thinking.
James and I got to live a little of the "Eat, Drink and be Merry" philosophy by cooking, sharing some delicious craft beers and getting a few good laughs in with friends. This is what life is all about.
"Your Life is Now"- John Mellencamp
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Twas the Night
Twas the night before work, when all through the house not a creature was stirring not even a mouse. The work bags were placed near the front door with care, In hopes that dawn would never draw near!
The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while nightmares of math class danced in their heads. And mamma in her robe, and I in my sweats, had just settled our brains for a short winer's nap.
Remember to write 2013 tomorrow!!
The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while nightmares of math class danced in their heads. And mamma in her robe, and I in my sweats, had just settled our brains for a short winer's nap.
Remember to write 2013 tomorrow!!
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
I appreciate you, let me tell you how.
I don't think people truly compliment each other enough.. There is the "oh I love your new haircut" or the "great job" moments which are okay. I don't think we take enough time as a society to actually speak or write with some level of detail and reflection, how we appreciate our relationships.
I started thinking about this in response to my need to express gratitude towards our "Army" of friends and family that have supported us over the past year in response to Adele. I've had personal conversations with many of you out there, but not all. Beyond that, I don't think I've done a good of job communicating exactly what it is about each of you I think and admire.
Here's my request: Please "like" this blog post if you are interested in having me send you an email or facebook message about how great you are and why! Though I would love to send individual letters with cards to each of you, I think for the sake of time and my need to complete this project, I will stick to email or facebook message.
P.S. Please give me a few days to respond :-)
Go!
I started thinking about this in response to my need to express gratitude towards our "Army" of friends and family that have supported us over the past year in response to Adele. I've had personal conversations with many of you out there, but not all. Beyond that, I don't think I've done a good of job communicating exactly what it is about each of you I think and admire.
Here's my request: Please "like" this blog post if you are interested in having me send you an email or facebook message about how great you are and why! Though I would love to send individual letters with cards to each of you, I think for the sake of time and my need to complete this project, I will stick to email or facebook message.
P.S. Please give me a few days to respond :-)
Go!
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