Lovely Weekend

James left for Michigan Beer Fest on Friday.  He dropped the girls off at my parents so I could also get some time to myself. Friday night was spent with some lovely teacher friends aka "Monkeys". Lots of laughs and swapping of stories and gossip from the trenches ensued. I always look forward to these get- togethers.

Saturday morning was spent with more lovely ladies (and a few gentlemen), for Breakfast at Juicy O. After breakfast, my friend and I headed over to see if we could schedule our tattoos for sometime on Saturday. We were able to get in at 7:30 that night. My friend dropped me off and I decided to read for awhile, then catch up with "Pit Bulls and Paroles".  At about 4:00, the power randomly went out, so I text Comed to inform them of the outage and decided that the only thing I could do was read! Luckily my I-Pad had full charge.  By 6:30, the power was back on and I was ready to pick up my friend to get our tattoos. My tattoo artist was an ex-graffiti artist who threw out the f-bomb once every 30 seconds. I only had to endure about 30 minutes of f-bombs and it was finished! 

I decided to place the tattoo just below my neck in the center of my upper back. I wanted to put this tattoo in a place that would see some, but not to much, sunlight in the summer time! My friend and I decided to celebrate our new ink by having a glass of wine at Fox's. We had a great time chatting along with my friend's neighbor who also happened to just end her shift at the restaurant.  

This morning I got a run in and by 10:30 my girls were back in my arms. Threw a bag and a stroller together and we headed out to DCM for some playtime with my co-worker's sons.  Two hours later, I had two sleepy babies in my car ready to see their daddy. 

After I dropped the girls off, I ran over to Starbucks for coffee with a friend. I was thrilled to hear about some of her new ideas and exchanged a few of my own. We have decided to support each other in our respective causes, which is great because I know I can depend on her! Lovely conversation as usual.

"Reshaping our lives to fit our larger dreams." -Abraham Lincoln

Lately

Today I realized that it has been awhile since I've blogged. The last two weeks, we have been busy in all areas of our life.

Valentine's Day is one of my favorite holidays, so I was excited when James and my students helped to make it a special day for me. I received a few red carnations and some chocolate from a few of my students which made my day.  After school, I had three students in my co-taught class come by and review for a quiz. Since I am a Special Education Teacher, I always feel quite flattered when Gen. Ed. students come to me with questions and concerns because it reminds me that I can make connections in both worlds!

In the evening, James and I scurried to get the girls ready before we headed out to the city for dinner at Nick's Fishmarket Grill in The Merchandise Mart.  I was happy that Nick's was not crowded so we we're able to have a great conversation and enjoy our food in a relaxed environment. I was also happy to have a few delicious chocolate covered strawberries delivered to my classroom in the afternoon.

Our second mommy to our girls updates us throughout the day through facebook messenger. We get pictures and blurbs of what the girls are doing. I was thrilled to see the most beautiful message about how Jade is compassionate and fair with her friends and stands up for them.  In a world that often values intelligence and competition as the highest commodities, it thrills me to see that our values are shinning through in our daughter. It's not that I don't think a healthy dose of talent and intelligence aren't excellent and needed traits, it's just that without a core foundation of values, talent and intelligence can create a nightmare in schools, work and personal lives. I couldn't be more proud.

We have a fun filled three day weekend ahead! Eat, Drink and be Merry everyone!

You Make Me Proud Everyday

Jade has gymnastics Monday nights and today we had a few kiddos missing and some newer members of our little group.  Jade took a leadership role in the class by doing warm-up exercises well and was able to remember the names of several stretches.  Her teacher came up to us and noted how much she has grown in such a short time.  I was one proud mama!  Right after the kids received their stamps and gave the teacher a hug, I gave Jade a huge hug and told her that she makes me proud everyday.

While in Florida, I came across a colorfully painted sign and picture frame with the phrase: "You Make me Proud Everyday".  I instantly fell in love with it for it's color and message.

Unfortunately, part of my job entails observations of parents who do not fully accept their children as they are. These parents often push or deny the reality of where their child functions academically and socially, and look to anyone they can to place blame for a horizontal identity.

Last night was one of two nights in the past week that I was having difficulty digesting Adele's needs. I have moments where I am overwhelmed with the unknown related to what the deletion may bring on us financially, emotionally and physically.

I finally began reading "Far From the Tree" and already have so many pieces of research and insight to reflect on in thirteen pages! One thing that stood out for me was this excerpt: "Children whose defining quality annihilates that fantasy of immortality are a particular insult; we must love them for themselves, and not for the best of ourselves in them, and that is a great deal harder to do."  It is so difficult to find words to express the emotions that I have felt since finding out about the 18q- so I was happy to find some that fit the reality of my situation.

Adele makes me proud everyday.  I revel in her smile and love for life at such a young age, her innate ability to take things as they come. I believe she is an old soul and has about ten-million things to teach us. I am looking forward to the challenges and triumphs these lessons will bring.

Day by day..

Can't shake this one

I'm having a very difficult time shaking off my bad mood this week. I've been less than patient at home and have been slightly on edge at work.  I get into these cycles ever so often and they also come with a lot of doubt and self criticism.  I'm sure this is related to a toddler who is resisting a reasonable bed time, some challenges at work, not having a big enough house, worrying about money to eventually buy a bigger house, how everyone perceives me every second of the day which includes but is not limited to: students, parents of students, co-workers, administrators, friends, members of groups, family, the cats (no not really), etc.....  I know that some of you may not empathize with my current state, and that's okay.  I am not looking for anyone to feel sorry for me, I'm just hoping that if your also having a bad day or week, you have found a compadre.

Since I began taking Zoloft for PPD, I have had far fewer of these weeks so the next line of defense for me is a check-up with my dear friend Deidre.  Therapy has been one of the most outstanding on-going experiences I've ever had.  I truly believe that all of us could or will benefit from counseling at one time or another.  I get the sense there is still a lot of stigma attached to talking openly about counseling and medication.  The more I've spoken openly about my issues and how counseling and meds have helped, the more people have come forward with there own experiences.

Hopefully Tina Fey will help to distract me from my bad mood this evening.

New Routine

We are finally starting to get out of the haze that is the first nine months of having two children. That being said, I came to realize the structure of our evening has essentially been non-existent since Adele was born.

Yesterday overall was a crappy day, however I don't like to wallow in funks for to long so I scrapped myself up and had coffee with my friend. She has two children right around the same ages as Adele and Jade and I mentioned my issues with routine.  She discussed her routine with me and I came out with a new sense of ambition to re-create what we had before both kiddos.

Adele will continue to go down at 7:00, however, we are starting Jade's routine of books and brushing teeth at 7:30 with the intention of "lights out" at 8:00. Once in her room, I could care less if she dances a jig or reads a million books with her flashlight, as long as she stays in her room and eventually goes to sleep.  I know she will need to be told to go back to her room a million times, however she takes well to structure so in a few days to week, I'm sure we'll be in a good place. It is now 8:22 and she has only come out once since 8:00... Fingers crossed but of course I probably just jinxed myself.

One of the members of my 18q- group happened to post about a book titled "Far the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity". It is a book that reflects how families transform experiences and difficulties with exceptional children (Ex: Down syndrome, autism, chromosomal abnormalities, schizophrenia, children who are prodigies, children of rape and transgender children) into meaning and a richer quality of life. I am excited to read this book since I am looking for a little inspiration and identity.

I realized through talking with my friend yesterday, that what is becoming the most difficult for me personally, is trying to find an identity in terms of parenting Adele. I explained to my friend that I often don't know how to respond when someone asks me how Adele is doing. Should I tell them how her 18q- is doing or how SHE is doing? What is being implied? My friend also very bravely and honestly admitted that she does not know how much to ask or how little to ask. This is very thoughtful and I understand the conundrum. Here is what seems to be a very simple solution to this problem: If you want to know how Adele is doing, ask.. If you also want to know how things are going with her development or health, ask about her development or health.  I am happy to answer questions.

Yesterday also brought the first day that I have been out in public with Adele while she has her BAHA on. We got a few looks but overall, people were rather unfazed by it.  This was comforting and I was reminded that I am more worried about it than I need to be.